Losing a child is one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing, that anyone will go through. Death is horrible, especially when it comes to the unborn. Every life is precious in God’s sight, including your baby who has gone to be with God in heaven. In this blog, we seek to offer hope after a miscarriage and give you Bible verses to help you navigate Mother’s Day after pregnancy loss.
Note to the Reader
The subject of pregnancy loss and delayed fertility hits many on our team at Ask About My Faith personally. From those who are waiting to have children, to others who have been told they’re unable to have children, to those who have seen answered prayers in the process. We have done our best to write this blog from a place of compassion, vulnerability, and sensitivity for your situation. However, we want to infuse you with hope that God can change any situation.
One of the writers on this blog is a miracle baby. Her mother had three miscarriages and a stillbirth before miraculously having her. As she wrote, she prayed for her story to be multiplied through these words and that you would receive a quick answer to your prayers!
The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy - Revelation 19:10
Mother’s Day After a Miscarriage
Even though you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, you are still a mother. The sting of Mother’s Day and miscarriage grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes, people’s words or attempts to help can actually make things worse. We hope to offer some comfort and encouragement to help fill in the gaps this Mother’s Day season.
You Are Still a Mother
One of the most painful questions that can rise to the surface after you’ve experienced a miscarriage is: Am I still a mom if my baby didn’t survive?
Yes. Of course you are.
Pregnancy loss doesn’t erase what you carried. The moment you hoped for and the future you imagined with your child was not in vain. The waves of grief on Mother’s Day aren’t a sign that something is wrong with you; it’s a sign that you loved your baby.
Why Mother’s Day Can Feel So Hard After Pregnancy Loss
Navigating Mother’s Day after losing a child is complex and challenging because Mother’s Day isn’t just one day. From movies, TV, advertisements, social media, and even family expectations, these slow builds of triggers can leave you feeling like you’re treading water to survive during Mother's Day. After a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, or stillbirth, Mother’s Day can stir up feelings like:
- Grief: Mother’s Day grief and grief after a miscarriage can be debilitating. However, grief comes in waves, and it will not feel consuming forever.
- Guilt: You may be feeling guilty for not feeling celebratory on Mother’s Day, or for feeling like you’re grieving too much.
- Anger: Leading up to Mother's Day, you may be feeling intense anger and even rage at how easy conceiving is for others and how unfair your situation is.
- Longing: The arrival of Mother's Day can bring up the deep, weighty feeling of the aching void of loss.
- Isolation: Mother's Day can bring up feelings of invisibility and confusion as to why no one quite understands what you're experiencing.
- Depression: The arrival of Mother's day can bring up depressive patterns for some moms. In some Christian circles, depression can feel like a scary word. However, depression is common, treatable, and can be overcome. Through Christian counseling and prayer, you’ll be feeling like yourself in no time.
As a mom who has experienced pregnany loss, all of these feelings are valid and allowed. No one can tell you the right or wrong way to feel on Mother’s Day.
How to Cope With Mother’s Day After Pregnancy Loss
1. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up: If you're a mom who has experienced pregnancy loss, you don’t need to pretend like you’re okay when you’re not. After experiencing a miscarriage, grief is normal. If you need to cry, let yourself cry. Don’t worry about what other people think of you: tears are a part of being human, and God made them with a purpose to help us heal.
2. Find a simple way to honor your baby: Some moms who have experienced pregnancy loss find comfort in marking Mother’s Day as a way to acknowledge their child. This might look like:
- Planting a tree or a garden to remember and honor your child
- Writing a letter to your baby
- Visiting a peaceful place, like a garden, the ocean, or a nature preserve
- Donating to a pregnancy loss organization in their name, such as Hope Mommies or Foreknown Ministries
3. Share needs and prayer requests with friends and family: The people who love you may not know how to show up for you on Mother's Day – not because they don’t care, but because pregnancy loss is something many people don’t know how to talk about.
As a mom who has experienced pregnancy loss, you can be direct with your friends and family. You can let them know, “This day is hard for me. I’d love it if you could check in,” or “I need some space this weekend.”
4. If you can, prepare for Mother’s Day in advance: Planning ahead for hard moments like Mother's Day are essential after experiencing pregnancy loss. If you know Sunday brunch with your family will be painful, make a plan. If you need to leave the Mother's Day brunch early, there’s no shame in that. If you can’t attend, feel free to skip it entirely. Having a game plan when you’re feeling overwhelmed or triggered after pregnancy loss gives you back control when emotions rise.
5. Connect with other women who understand: Isolation is your worst enemy after pregnancy loss. Mother's Day grief can feel overwhelming as it is, but when you pile on feelings of disconnection and loneliness around Mother’s Day, you can feel like you're drowning. Connecting with other women who have experienced loss or joining a pregnancy loss support group – whether online or in person – can help you process the pain you're experiencing.
Here are some resources for Mother’s Day grief after experiencing pregnancy loss:
- Foreknown Ministries Text Line: Text: 719 - 626- 8486 to connect with someone who’s been in your shoes and walked through the grief of pregnancy loss
- Heaven’s Gain Support Line: Call 513-888-4200 to connect with someone who has experienced pregnancy loss
- Hope Mommies: Join a private, online community for women who have experienced pregnancy loss
How Can I Help a Grieving Mom on Mother’s Day?
If you want to help a friend or family member who is navigating Mother’s Day after pregnancy loss, here are a few things that can help:
1. Acknowledge the loss: Saying, “I’m so sorry for your loss. How can I help you this week?” goes a long way when you have a friend experiencing pregnancy loss. If they don't respond right away, don't worry. Give the mom in your life some space and continue to pray for them each day.
2. Remember her baby: If you know the baby’s name who has passed away, acknowledging the baby’s name in conversation is a meaningful act of recognition for the mom in your life.
3. Always let the mom lead: Asking the mom in your life what she needs is essential to giving her peace of mind. Rather than assuming what she needs, simply ask. If you don’t hear back for a few days, don’t worry. Sometimes responding to texts can feel overwhelming during waves of Mother’s Day grief.
4. Never minimize her feelings: Please avoid phrases like, “You can try again,” or “At least it was early.” While your intentions are to comfort her, these phrases can actually harm her.
If you don’t know what to say, simply say: “I’m so sorry,"
5. Pray for the mom in your life: Making time to intentional pray for the mom's in your life who have experienced pregnancy loss is one of the best ways to help a grieving mom on Mother's Day. Never underestimate the power of prayer to change things for the better!
Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. - Zechariah 9:12
Conclusion
Experiencing pregnancy loss and weathering the storm that Mother’s Day can bring is a rollercoaster. As with any storm, the clouds will roll away, the thunder will cease, and the waves will calm. Our team at Ask About My Faith is praying for you to experience the presence of Jesus and His healing hand during this painful time. And too, we are believing with your miracle.
Jesus still saves. Jesus still heals. Jesus has promised to make the wrong things right.
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